Yes you heard me. TIRED AND EMOTIONAL!
Sometimes I hold back so much. I push things to the back of my brain, into a disorganised filing system. Thoughts, feelings, memos, to do lists! It’s effective short term, but long term…shit gets messy!
After a while of filing bits and bobs into the back of my poor little brain, 1 billion things begin to fly at me at the most inconvenient times.
3am, Henry will cough and it will stir me. I end up lying there listening, expecting him to wake up. When he doesn’t my brain is like “OH HEY! LET’S GO THROUGH A FEW HUNDRED THINGS BEFORE YOU GO BACK TO SLEEP! YEAH? GREAT!”. No. Just no.
Our subconscious is a killer right?
Social plans, budgeting, what to cook for the week, play groups, doctors appointments, remembering to reply to messages you got weeks ago, house work, shopping lists. You name it, I’m most probably thinking it.
I stir and stir and sleep escapes me.
I never used to have this problem?
Since having Henry I think my brain has slowly been training itself to stay active through the night. From the day Henry was born in was up at all hours breastfeeding and then we moved onto bottle feeding, which needed even more brain capacity at stupid o’clock in the morning, I was basically nocturnal.
Henry sleeps through the night now which is fucking fantastic! But after months of waking and feeding etc then maybe my brain just thinks it’s the norm now?
Well fuck you brain!
I am telling you its not normal! Leave me alone! I need a break! I need complete relaxation and silence.
Everyday I wake up feeling like I’ve been hit by a bus after being on an all night bender down the pub! My body is drained and my brain is totally wired!
But that’s just Motherhood right?