Go to fucking sleep

God knows how many nights since Henry has been born I have laid here in the early hours contemplating selling him on eBay. 

I do everything a mother should. Soothe him, feed him, change him, give him numerous types of teething shit. But nothing fucking works. All he wants to do is get up and play in his fucking jumperoo. 

I’ve had it. I am beyond tired and on the brink of insanity. Lying here listening to him screech and shout at the top of his lungs until one of us gives in. I have been awake for hours now. I am basically a vampire. Well not even a vampire because I don’t sleep day or night. More like a zombie I guess.

He’s persistent I’ll give him that. He’s not going down without a fight.

Daddy is away on business overnight so I am lumbered with the dreaded night shift. The worst kind. 

I stand and applaud any single parent who does this alone night after night. It is the most soul destroying fight to the death. It is not normal for any human being to have to endure this type of mental and physical pain. Its like chinese torture. As soon as you drift off, just one second after your eyelids close you are met with a spine chilling cry and you’re fucking awake again.

Don’t get me wrong I love my child beyond words. He is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. But come night fall he becomes Lucifer himself intent on stealing my soul and dragging me down to hell.

My advice to anyone thinking if having a baby. Don’t do it. Well not until you have slept for a year solidly without waking. If I could go back I would have slept the shit out of life. I would never have travelled or partied until the early hours. I would be tucked up at 6pm every night without fail. I would embrace slumber and welcome my quilt and pillows with open arms. 

Some people are blessed with a child that sleeps through the night. These people must have done something spectacular in a previous life to be rewarded with such a a beautiful gift. The rest of us, the ones with moon babies and nocturnal  children, we obviously were not worthy of such luxury. 

As my fight continues (I think it’s been roughly 3 hours now) I will bid my goodbyes. I am going to admit defeat. He can have his fucking Jumperoo. I’m going to inhale a jug of black coffee and sit and stare into space until he tires. 

See all you other sleepless parents in hell! 

Catch you on the flipside Lucifer!

FML.

The End.

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