Loneliness 

It has been go go go for the last month or so.

Family and friends visiting from near and far, planning Henry’s birthday and generally overloading ourselves with shit to do.

Yesterday I woke up to an empty house. The calm. Just Henry myself and my partner. The remains of Henry’s 1st birthday party spread across the house. Saggy balloons, birthday banners and half eaten cake wrapped up in the kitchen.

Sad as that sounds I felt strangely gleeful. As much as I miss my parents already and the fact that I am still in shock that I have an actual one year old, I had my space back. We slipped back into routine, something which I thought I hated. I’ve always been a go with the flow kind of girl but it feels quite nice to have my own way of doing things. Henry thrives on routine too. Babies are creatures of habit! 

So as we roll into Tuesday and we get ready for a day of play groups and mummy dates, I look back on the last month and feel super grateful for all the love and support we had from friends and family. As we carry on as normal just the three of us I can’t help but miss them all, but at the same time cherish every moment with my two guys! They are my number ones!

Loneliness can become a big part of life as a new mother. I was babbling on about it after a few too many drinks at the weekend. But as much as that loneliness can be an unwelcomed feeling there is so much more that outweighs it. The love you get from your child and the bond you create as a family is an incredible feeling. You may not be surrounded by people but you have something so many people wish for. A loving family. You can fill your time and your house with people and still feel lonely but you will never be alone when you are with the ones you love. 

God, this all sounds a bit fucking miserable doesn’t it! I think what I am trying to get off my chest is the fact that I have addressed I can get lonely sometimes and feel sorry for myself, but I have also realised that those feelings of loneliness only materialise when I let life get on top of me. If instead I chose to feel grateful for what I have and enjoy the blessings in my life then I realise I am not lonely at all. Let the positives outweigh the negatives and all that bollocks!

So onwards and upwards. Shaking it off and getting ready for a fun filled day singing wind the fucking bobbin up with loads of snotty nosed toddlers! I wouldn’t have it any other way! 

I hope you all enjoy your day! And to anyone who may be feeling lonely out there, just look around you. You are only as lonely as you tell yourself you are. Concentrate on what’s good in your life and create some new feelings. Because that’s all loneliness is. A feeling. You are the one who is in control of what you feel. So if you don’t like it, chose to feel differently. You will be surprised at what happens to your mindset!

#motherhood

 

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