So summer is approaching and lots of mummas out there are thinking ‘Fuck, I’m a whale.’ I know I am. But unfortunately unless you were blessed with a young fit bod that snapped back into place five minutes after your baby popped out then frankly, you’re screwed.
To all those people out there who are thinking ‘how can she say that? That’s so cruel’ stop right there. I’m just saying it how it is. We shouldn’t have to fit into a stepford wife stereotype and look like Kate Middleton post partum. We are allowed to be fat. We aren’t saying we hate ourselves. We are just accepting our bodies aren’t the same as they used to be. Girl power and all that. Shake what ya mamma gave ya.
Growing a child takes its toll on your body. It will never be the same again unless you dedicate your whole life to fitness and healthy eating. Your. Whole. Life. Well… In case your forgetting as a mum your whole life is dedicated to your child and making sure that they survive everyday. So excuse us if we shove a cheeseburger in our gobs while juggling school runs, nappies, feeds and an unholy amount of mess.
Anyway, as I was saying, summer is approaching. What can we do to ensure we don’t spend our summer’s self loathing and pinching at our wobbly bits?
Well I’ve come up with a few quick fixes that you may want to steal for the sunny days ahead.
1. The trusty sarong. Yes. I said sarong. I’m not talking the kind of sarong your mum used to wear on holiday in 1992. I’m talking about the cute flowy hippy kind that you can tie in 145 different ways to cover the parts you don’t want anyone else but you to see. Totally fucking genius.
2. Fake tan. I know what you’re thinking. Too messy. Too streaky. But just think about it. Everyone feels better with a glow. Get naked and get your other half or a friend yo rub you up. You’ll look like Eva Longoria in no time.
So what do you reckon ladies? Are you summer ready?