Tamagotchi humans

Every child in the early 90’s had a Tamagotchi. We all took on the huge task of keeping our tiny electronic pets alive. Feeding them, walking them and playing with them. Were they setting us up for our future responsibilities? Remember how soul destroying it was when your little buddy went to Tamagotchi heaven? The pain and disappointment that was caused through your own selfish neglect. If only you had fed the poor little guy then he might have lived!

Having a baby is like having the Rolls Royce of Tamagotchis. There is no room for neglect. You can’t put it down. Not for one second. The only thing that differs is there are no instructions for this Tamagotchi, nothing to tell you what to feed it or tell you when it needs a clean butt. All you have to go by is word of mouth from the exclusive group of Tamagotchi owners (parents). You can’t even ask your own parents for advice because technology has changed so much in the last few decades, they were feeding their Tamagotchis solid food at 3 months and had them on the Pinot Grigio at 12 months. That’s just a big no no. Your Tamagotchi keeps you on your toes. You are constantly feeding, walking and playing in rotation as to not let it die. It sleeps at random times, and even then you can’t drop the ball. You never sleep because you’re constantly watching your Tamagotchi. Only when your Tamagotchi comes of age can it become self sufficient and you can stop pushing it’s buttons. Just as your owners did.

It sounds like some kind of Chinese torture right? Who would do that to themselves?

We weren’t ready for the responsibility back in the 90’s and we most certainly aren’t ready for it now. But as you grow into a big human Tamagotchi you learn perseverance and determination. These 2 qualities will be key when your tiny human Tamagotchi arrives. Fuck. Tamagotchis bringing up tamagotchis. Who even thinks of this shit. 

I’ve had too much coffee. 

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