When dealing with a wild young child there are some precautions you might want to take before taming the little beast.
1. Safety goggles – these will come in handy for flying toys and food that gets launched at you mid tantrum.
2. The pony tail – tie that hair up. There’s nothing worse than a chubby little fist getting tangled in your mop. Their grasp is abnormally strong and you will lose clumps of hair if you aren’t careful.
3. Keys – always have some noisy jangly keys to wave in their face to distract them when they are up to no good. They can’t resist the noise it’s in their nature. They will drop everything.
4. First aid kit – there will be a lot of thrashing around going on. Always be prepared for a boo boo.
5. Cling film – just wrap your whole sofa, in fact, just wrap your whole house in it. There is going to be all sorts of shit smeared all over the place.
Taming a child is not for the faint hearted. Please be aware that your safety may be compromised at any moment. If you feel threatened or in danger at any point then lock yourself in the bathroom with a bar of galaxy and a heat magazine. The storm will pass in no time.