Picture this, you’re in the middle of Sainsbury’s getting in your weekly shop. Little Timmy has decided he doesn’t want to sit in the trolley and wants to walk, he’s starting to grizzle and your stomach sinks, you can feel a tantrum brewing. You get little timmy out through gritted teeth as you don’t want to draw attention to yourself. He walks 10 steps and launches himself on the floor because you tell him he can’t pull the pasta bags off of the bottom shelf. He does it anyway and you drop a few F bombs under your breath.
So what do you do now? The kicking and screaming has begun, 4 or more people are staying at you. There’s a few pasta bags on the floor and he’s kicked his fucking shoe off.
Here’s what you do mum:
1. Tell everyone to fuck off. Can’t they see that you’re having a dick hole of a day and now you’re having to deal with this. Tell them that their staring isn’t going to stop him screaming and you suggest they take refuge in the cleaning aisle because this shit is about to get messy!
2. Take off his other shoe and put them in your bag. He obviously doesn’t need them as hes kicked them off 162 times today. A feral child is a happy one right?
3. Pick up the pasta bags and put them in the trolley pretending like you were going to buy them. Because let’s face, it after today you’re going to be exhausted, so a carb feast will be just what you need. Fuck the calories, this mum needs to survive.
4. Shout ‘byeeee’ to little Timmy until he gets scared you’re going to leave him and runs to your heels like a puppy.
5. With Timmy in tow, head to the wine aisle. Buy a fuck ton of wine. Go home. Drink it.